Category Archives: Uncategorized

What would you do if your kiddo is a gay …

One of my girlfriends who is currently 3-month pregnant forwarded a very interesting Chinese documentary film, Mama rainbow (with English subtitles) made by director Fan Popo and posted a serious question, “What would you do if your child is a gay?” I used to think all sorts of possibilities to my babies when I was pregnant: What if his heart beat is too fast/slow? Is his body anatomy normal? What if he is detected down syndrome? Fortunately these worries and anxieties were eased along the way after all kinds of ultrasound imaging and lab tests. As all other expecting parents, we also started to dream about how they look, whose genes they inherit more and when is the not-so-bad time to have a girlfriend after finding out that they were boys. This kind of day-dreaming just never ends even after they were born. When we thought about their girlfriends, or more precisely what kind of daughter-in-law I would like to have, my husband did casually pop the question: “What if he is a gay and one day brings a man home?” My first instinct response was “No way!” Well, why will he be a gay if both his Mama and Dada are not?  Well … OK, I have to admit there is no logical standing in the above statement.

I watched this 28 minutes long video clip, Mama rainbow, that is represented by PFLAG China and are basically some interviews with homosexual people and their mothers. I’m not very impressed about the film: the tone of the film is very monotonic and overly rosy. There was another documentary Queer China, ‘Comrade’ China (with English subtitles) that is  more comprehensive on the topic. Chinese society is very conservative on this issue and most people from my parents’ generation would actually deny the existence of homosexual people in China. Due to the extreme social pressure, very few gays/lesbians would step forward to claim what they really are, coming out the closet (出柜). One most important factor is the root and foundation of Chinese traditional value: inheritance and carrying on the family line (传承,传宗接代).

I thought I have always been a very liberal person. Having been living in the States for so many years, I always have positive attitude towards gays/lesbians and in fact I have worked with a few gay men. I found them as professional as others and most of the time are much more considerate, clean and handsome than straight men. These are their lives and their personal choices; as long as they are not hurting any others, I’m perfectly fine. And I do support legalize the same-sex marriage. But then why my first response is negative when it comes to my own children? I realized I need more information before I take any side. I start to search online to  read some review papers on the researches of the topic. There are tremendous  biological and psychological researches conducted since 1930s, in the efforts to prove whether homosexuality is born or made. After reading those papers,  I personally tend to believe this is nature, although I also can not rule out the fact there is a small fraction of homosexual population is due to the external/environmental factors.

Are these information really helpful for making my decision on what to do if my kids are gays? The answer is no, not really. At the end, all it matters to me is my role as a parent to my children. I brought them to this complex enough world without really consulting them. No matter what they are, the nature of parents’ love is to take them as is and love them unconditionally.  The outside world is full of danger, temptations, beauty and also hopes. As their parents, I hope being in our arms can be the safest and always-there harbor for them. That is what it matters at last: parents’ instinct and nature. Well, maybe I can also comfort myself a bit more: for having two children, the probabilities of both being gay is low and my family genes will be passed along the chain. 🙂

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Posted by on October 24, 2012 in Kids, Uncategorized


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“Looper”: A nicely-made science fiction!

Saturday night, kids are in bed and baby sitter (yes, her task literally is to sit on our orange couch and watch the UT game!!) is here. We decided this is the movie night: “The Master” or “Looper“.  The Master is what hubby wanted to watch for a while but I heard The Master is very depressing. Maybe we should watch it next time when we feel life is so beautiful.  I’m always  interested in science fiction, so Looper it is!

The movie is written by its director Rian Johnson which is his third movie. The movie obviously can be categorized as a dark science fiction. Well, can I think of any science fictions about human’s future that are not dark? Nope, human are lack of confidence on our own future. Nonetheless, I like the movie and the characters.

The story begins with a young, good-looking looper, Joe, who lives in the year of 2044 and makes a living by killing the victims  in a Kansas corn fields, whom are time-transferred by future crime organizations to the year of 2044 from the year of 2074 due to the difficulties of disposing their bodies secretly. Occasionally, the loopers have to kill their own old man version of themselves, knowing that from that moment they have exactly 30 years to live. This is so-called closing the loop. Some people in 2044 also possess telekinetic powers, moving the small objects by their mind power. Joe has been saving his income, silver bars and studying French for his retirement. Abe is the boss who was transferred from future to manage the loopers. He suggests Joe to go to China instead of France (Go to China, I tell you. I’m from future).  The future Joe’s wife (a Chinese lady, Xu  Qing 许晴. She is popular in Chinese TV shows but I have not seen her in movies. )is killed on the day he is captured. So future Joe comes back to 2044 with the intend to kill the future crime master, the rainmaker, in his childhood. There are three candidates born on the same day in the same hospital. The present Joe goes to a farmhouse where one of the candidates, Cid,  lives and tries to protect Cid and his Mom, Sarah. During his stay, he witnesses Cid’s horrendous telekinetic power and learns that  his uncontrolled power killed Cid’s own aunt. Joe realizes that Cid is the rainmaker. But he also witnesses the love of Sarah is helping Cid to control his telekinetic power. When future Joe comes to the farm and tries to kill Cid, Sarah stands between her child and future Joe. The present Joe realizes that the future Joe’s assassination of Sarah will turn young Cid into future crime master, closing the time loop. So he shoots himself to let the future Joe disappear and saves both Sarah and Cid.

The whole movie is quite well-made with the right amount of humor. The acting is natural; I particularly like Sarah (Emily Blunt, remembering her face in Devil wears Prada), and of course the story itself. The whole movie is trying to show one thing “The cause is the result and the result itself is the cause.” Future is full of possibilities; every event is a node that can branch to different routes. Even the present that all the passing events leads to is only one of the possible routes and can be changed if one past node is changed.

One debate I have is  the future Joe goes back to 2044 to kill the rainmaker in order to save his wife. Even he is successful, he can’t go back to 2074 since time machine has not been invented and he has to wait the present Joe to meet his wife again. However, the present Joe for sure will choose different life style after experiencing all these. And The future Joe should die before the present Joe. So there is no guarantee that he will even marry to the same woman!

One detail I think the author overlooked is that on the morning the old Joe is captured, his wife woke up earlier and softly stroke his foot. Back to 2044 the farmhouse, Sarah woke up Cid with the same exact stroke! At that moment, I thought. “Ah! There is some connection between his own wife and the rainmaker.” Obviously there is no further indication on that in the film. I would make the film more dramatized by connecting those two dots if I were Rian Johnson.

On a whole, it is worth watching movie, except … it is kind of awkward to see Bruce and Qing kissing …

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Posted by on October 21, 2012 in Uncategorized


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Energy boosting?

Finally finally I finished my quarter-end review today after six days passing the official deadline. Four times a year I have to face this task, the task I feel hostile every time. It doesn’t seem getting better or easier as I practice it more and more. I enjoy my job very much, the challenge and the people. As a full-time working Mom with two children, the time seems to evaporate at an exponential rate.  Often you feel you do nothing but the time is gone! I have to devote more daytime to kids and family, cooking, bathing, reading books and all kinds of other activities. Then real work has to come at night time, cutting into the valuable sleeping time.

To keep myself awake and alert, I have tried several ways and wanted to find a relative healthy way. Yes, yes and yes, I know, I know the most organic way is to go to your bed and get some sleep. But let me just explore other possibilities related to caffeine because sleeping is a real luxury currently:  caffeinated water , the caffeine pill (200mg a pill), Nerd focus (a ginkgo extract drink), tea and refreshers from green coffee beans.

200-300 mg caffeine is considered safe for a healthy adult. In general, beverages won’t tell you exactly how much caffeine it contains. Caffeine tablets/pills usually comes in 100 or 200 mg per pill. It is accurate and most convenient, but feels too druggy. Caffeinated water also gives you the accurate measure AND offers 0 calories. Refreshers are actually lemonade or fruity coffee that don’t have coffee taste because the caffeine is extracted from unroasted beans. I was so excited when I first discovered “nerd focus” that contains extracts from Chinese ginkgo. After I took a first sip, I spilled it out. It tastes nasty and contains 28g of sugar.

So caffeinated water is normally my first choice, followed by teas and refreshers. On a day like today when I finish a difficult task, I could indulge myself  a cup of nice warm mocha with lots of fat (fat is tasty!). Standing on the corner of 6th street and congress ave., let’s capture the color of Austin before it is too cold.

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Posted by on October 19, 2012 in Uncategorized


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“Whole” or not “Whole”?

As a non-native English speaker, I’m familiar with the first definition of “whole”, that is entire , all of. Not until 2001 I came to US for my graduate school in Ann Arbor where in this little Michigan town there exists a Whole Food Market (WFM) store, I started to get the second definition of “whole”: unprocessed and unrefined, in short, healthy (yes, at least we hope). Nonetheless, people start to use “whole” everywhere: whole body, whole spirit and even whole kids!

In 2007, I got my first job in Austin, Texas. Our company, by coincident, at that time, rented the office space inside the Whole Foods Market (WFM) headquarter building. For us, trying to stay “whole” is as simple as running down a couple of stairs. Along these years, many changes happen. We moved out the WFM building into the Chase building; I have kids, two lovely boys (four and one ); we start to have a group of lovely local friends …

As a mother, I would like to provide my kids with healthy food and love;  as a wife, I would like to keep our marriage live and whole; as a daughter, I would like to ensure my parents happy and healthy and as a woman, I would like to enjoy and share the passions with all my girlfriends. What do I want to leave out? …. Nothing! I want to enjoy the “whole” life (no matter what definition is), or at least that is the goal I’m working on.

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Posted by on September 19, 2012 in Uncategorized


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